I sit here, trying to write a poetic entry about all the things I have done in the last 30 years. I am grasping for the words of the many accomplishments in an attempt to convince myself that I am ok with turning thirty, which happens to be in two days. I had high hopes of creating a list of things I have done, instead of dwelling on the things on most people’s “30 things to do before you’re thirty” list. Instead, I have written and deleted more paragraphs that I can keep count of.
Quite simply, I have not been honest with myself, and therefore have no hope at trying to write a post I am not committed to. Sure, I have done some things that many people dream of: I have gotten married; I have traveled internationally; I have taken risks in life; I have learned when to play it safe; I have been challenged many times (some I have won, some I have lost); I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Somehow I am still left with a feeling that I have forgotten something.
Can it be that I have spent so much time trying to accomplish the things I was suppose to that I have forgotten to do the things I wanted to? Have I been so busy living my life for other people that I forgot to live my life for me?
I guess the best way of answering the question that everyone seems to ask is this:
I am indifferent about turning 30, but I am not ok to continue being such an extreme people pleaser. I need to start making decisions that are true for me, and to start speaking up with I feel the need.
Maybe I’ll start working on that once I’m thirty. That, and I need to re-introduce myself to the gym.