Results and a lot of waiting

* In this post I will be discussing my journey with our fertility specialist.  I may be going into detail of things done during the appointment, so please be aware that very little will be filtered. If you are not … Continue reading

truth

I sit here, trying to write a poetic entry about all the things I have done in the last 30 years.  I am grasping for the words of the many accomplishments in an attempt to convince myself that I am ok with turning thirty, which happens to be in two days.   I had high hopes of creating a list of things I have done, instead of dwelling on the things on most people’s “30 things to do before you’re thirty” list.  Instead, I have written and deleted more paragraphs that I can keep count of.

Quite simply, I have not been honest with myself, and therefore have no hope at trying to write a post I am not committed to.  Sure, I have done some things that many people dream of:  I have gotten married; I have traveled internationally; I have taken risks in life; I have learned when to play it safe; I have been challenged many times (some I have won, some I have lost); I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone.  Somehow I am still left with a feeling that I have forgotten something.

Can it be that I have spent so much time trying to accomplish the things I was suppose to that I have forgotten to do the things I wanted to?  Have I been so busy living my life for other people that I forgot to live my life for me?

I guess the best way of answering the question that everyone seems to ask is this:

I am indifferent about turning 30, but I am not ok to continue being such an extreme people pleaser.  I need to start making decisions that are true for me, and to start speaking up with I feel the need.

Maybe I’ll start working on that once I’m thirty.  That, and I need to re-introduce myself to the gym.